A group of Black and Brown men from within the ManKind Project UK&I are bringing to fruition a second Adventure dedicated to holding and empowering men like us, save the date March 15-17 2024!

Violence against women and girls must be prevented. Male perpetrated violence is an issue that men need to resolve. As a men’s well-being charity The ManKind Project UK & Ireland stands ready to do more.

Violence against women and girls must be prevented. Male perpetrated violence is an issue that men need to resolve. As a men’s well-being charity The ManKind Project UK & Ireland stands ready to do more.

In 1985, the ManKind Project embarked on a mission to unite men under a banner of kindness and compassion. Today, the nonprofit has inspired and trained over 68,000 men to become the best possible version of themselves. The ManKind Project uses online training, in-person programs, and group work to nurture a global community of men who have the strength of character to show love, support healthy relationships, and make the world a kinder place.

For many years, MKP was cautious about what we shared. Were we ready for the world? Was the world ready for us? I think there is shame in there, tied to the old story of masculinity. Men don’t share what feels vulnerable … What if everyone knew that I broke down? That I’m afraid? That I long for love and long to feel powerful? That I need support?

For me, my life is like a pressure cooker, it keeps growing in pressure so my i-group is a place where I can express all that energy whether it is grief, pain or laughter. It is a precious safe space where we are supported and challenged. It has a huge impact on my life. My wife says she can always tell when I need to go! I’d trust these men with my life, soul and spirit, that’s how important it is.

I think I closed down on the grief when my first wife died . It was a way of surviving for me. The weekend was an opportunity to open up the long black bag that Robert Bly talks about in Iron John, there was a choice to make, either live half a life or go for the full one. I’d locked a lot away. It was as if I had no feelings. So I made a decision to let go into my feelings. It opened up a new portal into life for me.

A few weeks ago I saw a screening of an intense documentary film called ‘The Work‘. It’s about a project with men at Folsom State Prison in the States by the Mankind Project and shows fruits of ten years work filmed during an intense bi-annual four-day workshop. Prison inmates are also facilitators in a programme inviting men from the outside into the prison. It’s an incredible piece of work, all the more fascinating when you realise how much time and investment has gone into creating conditions for it to be made. 

When I was growing up I thought that my father was perfect. He was my god – I strove to be like him. He had the belief that his behaviour was right and everyone else’s was wrong, if it were different from his own. This was so powerful and undeniable to me. I had no one in my life to make me think that maybe there was another way. But my father didn’t know the truth. His father didn’t and his father before him didn’t. They were simply passing on what they had learned in the best way they knew how.

Unplanned, unwanted, rejected at birth, and then subjected to everything that follows from that – humiliated, shamed for my very existence, oppressed physically, emotionally, spiritually…. A perfect recipe for the squashing of human potential. Of my potential.Was it an accident that I found MKP when I was at my lowest point? No, I guess not, for the universe does indeed move in mysterious ways. And what did MKP provide for me? A counterpoint to everything I’d experienced before, for sure. Support, from men – imagine that! To say that MKP has been a major influence in my life doesn’t even begin to cover what it has done for me.

The weekend was powerful for me. I was challenged, frightened and initially resistant. Like the other participants, it required me to summon a lot of courage. Was I the only gay man amongst 32 straight men? Although I was “out”, was it safe to disclose my sexuality to a room full of male strangers? Being a gay man I had been selective about whom I disclosed this to. However I have found MKP to be one of the safer organisations in which to be able to drop my guard about my sexuality. While MKP draws men from all sections of the community, it is often those who are open to learning and growth who join. MKP also encourages men to embrace diversity and acceptance and men are encouraged to challenge themselves around their prejudices.

Growing up, what did you want your father to say to you? What words did you crave from him? What words from him were you dying, literally dying, to hear? What I wanted my father to say to me was pretty simple. Son, I'm proud of you. That's it, that's what I wanted more than anything. And he could have said it anytime. This is what I wanted my father to say to me while I was growing up, and I wanted him to hug me when he said it. This is The Blessing. I wanted my father to give me The Blessing.I suspect, like me, you craved his Blessing, would damn near have died for his Blessing – although you might have had to pretend it didn't mean shit to you.

I was never entirely comfortable in just the company of men – I was yearning for a woman to make it better for me, to return to the womb perhaps… So in many ways the warrior weekend was my male initiation. It gave me so much to be thankful for. And it was absolutely essential I did this integration first and learned more about my own King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.

It was the most profound weekend of my life so far. I hope writing about it will reinforce the changes it has led to and help strengthen the resolve of other brothers to pursue and maintain changes they wish for in their lives. I went on the weekend hoping to practise and get better at socialising with other men. I came back being better able to be myself in front of other men, in front of myself, in front to colleagues, in front of friends and in front of strangers.